I've been a little here and there these past few days, but I guess I just needed to remember (and accept) that the path to recovery comes in many forms. I will be full of soft fire for, thankfully, most days but I'll still be tumultuous and blue the other.
During these moments, I eventually find myself always coming back to the same things, the same loves, it's almost grounding; like, the gentleness of being human, the quiet and the big, my writing as this small but important nonetheless voice that I hold so close to my core, vulnerability as being necessary, as Brene Brown puts it, we must 'touch pain with great curiosity'. I'm still learning how to have a heart that aches just the right amount whilst simultaneously catering for a mind to be as clear as I need it to be.
This all reminds me of this beautiful song by Jose Gonzalez of that sheer feeling of seeing the world in a complete new light. A habit i've picked up for when i've been feeling particularly blue, I bathe, dress nicely and try to leave my home to see this city as someone here for the first time. That way, I become fascinated by the small familiar nooks, the stores where I know the shopkeepers names, the familiar places to order my coffee, I bathe into this place that I'll forever call home.
It's incredibly humbling what being a tourist in your own city can inspire.
Matias and I have really been working on ourselves lately and it's made me so happy. He's such a force in both my life but more so, in his own. Although our separate timetables aren't always forgiving, the time we do spend with each other have been no less than intimately heartening. We made a promise to meet for 'coffee and writing' dates whilst exploring new cafe's in Sydney. I'm really excited for what's to come. It's been a good year.
Promise to keep you posted on what happens next.
